I Ate 3 Sticks of Butter

Holy Guacamole!  It has been 5 months since my last post.  And I was on such a roll this summer.  Damn.  How did I lose my groove?  The button on my big ole ugly mom jeans is shaking.  I made reindeer treats this week, which were no bake cookies, and I ate like 30 of them in two days.  I have none left to give to my "neighbors" which is how I explained the reason for making them in the first place. 

I ate 30 no bake cookies.  The recipe calls for: coconut flakes, oatmeal, chocolate chips, powdered sugar, 3 sticks of butter, and sanding sugar to roll them in so they will be pretty.

Oh my lawd... I ate 3 sticks of butter in two days. 

And I was still hungry.

Obviously, it is really easy for me to quit being productive.  I was feeling so good getting rid of all the excess in my life this summer.  I was busy cleaning out my closets, my drawers, being mindful not to take more than I should, giving away the extra.  What happened?

Oh, I can easily blame it on several things.  I can divert my failures like no one's business.  I can play the "I've got 5 kids" card.  I can play the "I am a full time college student" card.  But I think this time, I am going to own this one.  I dropped the ball.

But I ain't a bad person.  I am good on the inside.  I am the opposite of how a lot of folks see other people.  They point out: "Hey, you know she's just so fake.  She looks like she has it all together, but really, she's a total bitch.  You do not want to be friends with her."

With me, I bet folks say, "Hey, I know she looks like a big fat mess, but give her a chance.  Deep down, and I mean ya gotta really look deep down, she's really pretty sweet.  She means well... at least I think she does.  Oh well, at least she makes me look good when I am with her."

Any way... so I dropped the ball.  It is Christmas Eve Eve today.  I know there will be so many temptations staring at me in the face this week, because let's face it, with 5 children:  I am about to become overloaded with a bunch of excess.  Toys, junk, crap, stuff!  And the food!  I am about to be tempted with more sticks of butter to eat in a variety of ways.  I live in Georgia, honey.  Paula Deen didn't invent cookin' with butter.    

Should I just say, well, I already dropped the ball, might as well go out with a bang.  I can start over on New Year's Day just like the rest of the world.

Or, should I start today?  Just start right now?  I could bring a fruit salad to mama's house on Christmas.  I could eat carrot stix instead of carrot cake.  I could tell my children where my hiding places are... you know... the places I have stashed yummy gifts from my neighbors... you know, where they ring the doorbell, I snatch the box of fudge and treats, and my kids holler, "Hey, who was at the door?"  And I go, "Oh, it was Miss Fannie Sue, and look, she brought us this lovely card to enjoy!"  And they go, "You mean she didn't bake her famous cookies this year?"  And I go, "Oh, didn't I tell you she came down with a bad case of "diabeetus," yeah, poor thing can't even have sugar in her house anymore.  No more cookies."

And I suppose I could give my children's old toys away.  They are about to get new ones, I am sure.  Yep, I can totally do that.  I think we will play a game this year.  For each new thing Santa brings, put one old toy in this big box.  For each new outfit you get, put one old one in here too.  We will drop it off at the Goodwill truck the day after Christmas.  Hey, that's a really great idea.  I like it.

Dear Heavenly Father, Sorry I dropped the ball.  I am so weak when it comes to temptations.  Please help me find my strength in thee instead of in other places.  Other places give me false hope.  I need real hope.  In the name of the One who brings Hope to the world, Amen.

One Drop at a Time

I am on a roll, man.  I mean, when I get the fire, you better just step outta da way.  I found some folks to take the rest of my children's books.  I have a teacher friend who told me that a lot of her students do not even own one book.  That makes me sad, but it also makes me happy because she always makes sure that those kids get their very own books to keep!  I loaded her up with two boxes of nice books, and it makes me smile knowing that this gift will make her students smile too. 

I have another box waiting for one of Mollie's friends who is in Girl Scouts.  The Scouts are scouting children's books as a part of a literacy project. And I STILL have an entire floor to ceiling bookcase full of wonderful children's stories.  All together with the books I gave to other places, I gave away two huge book cases worth.  Can we all say: excessive?  I am a book hoarder.

I turned one empty book case into a craft storage area and it looks cute as heck.  It looks very Pintresty.  For goodness sakes, I dotted the lettering on the lables on each container of "paint" or "glue" etc.. This provided the solution to the baskets that were always spilling over under the baby grand piano.  Who stores things under their pianos?  Don't do that.  It's ugly, and I cannot tell you how many mini concusions we've suffered from going under there to find the glue gun.  I've created SPACE in my life, and prevented any future brain damage.

The other book case is in my teenage daughters' room.  Now they can display all their dumb crap.  Don't really get me started on that.  They decided to paint their bedroom this summer and that meant I had to endure all their stupid stuff being hauled haphazardly into the playroom for more days than it would have taken a one legged, no armed house painter to do the job.  Just call me grace, but trying to get across the playroom to the laundry room has put forty- five bruises on body parts I did not know I had.

I also tackled the other basement closet... the one across from the scary one under the stairs.  This closet was originally a "Game and Puzzle" closet, but over the years, it evolved into something much more "special."  It became somewhat of a mystery because you couldn't even SEE the shelves for all the stuff that was piled up to the ceiling infront of it.  Don't ask me how it happened unless you have five children, and you were nursing your fourth when you got pregnant with the fifth, and you stroked out after the baby was born, and were pretty useless doing chores for a year.  Things just got thrown into closets, and I guess it was so fun that we made it a habit.  For six years.  Bless our hearts.

I need to start uploading the before and after pictures of all this awesomeness.  I text the pictures to my little sister every day.  She does it too.  We do at least ONE thing a day to get rid of our excess and try to find ways to give it away in a good way.  We send the proof so we can be accountable.  It's so much fun.  It's unbelievable what we hold on to in our drawers, on our shelves, in our closets, under our beds, etc...  It really makes ya think about whatcha really need in this life.

I gotta a long way to go, but I have taken many steps in the right direction.  I don't have to do this whole thing at once.  Each step feels good, even if it's a baby step.  And it's one step closer to GLORY!

You can fill a jug just one drop at a time.  --Buddha

Dear Heavenly Father,
I thank Thee for always providing what we need.  Please forgive me for teaching my family to be so gluttonous, taking way more than our fair share of books, clothes, toys, food, and things.  I thank Thee for the gift of the Holy Spirit who fills my heart with joy each time I empty a drawer or overhaul a closet, finding people who need the excess I've been holding on to.  Help us let go of our attachment to things.  In the name of the One who was a king without riches, Amen.

Closet Space and Heart Space

I found out that Jen Hatmaker, the author of the book 7, is going to be speaking near my hometown this winter.  Yippeeee!  My mama, my sisters and my friends are so going to hear her.  If you haven't read this book, you should.

This morning, my sweetheart and I went to Lowe's and bought some shelving materials for the utility closet downstairs.  Wanna hear something weird?  We built our house 10 years ago, we have seven people living here, and we have never had shelves in the utility closet.  It has been empty.  All this time.  And I have been whining about lack of closet space for ten years.  And now that I am on a mission to give away everything, we are making a functional storage space.  It's hilarious.  

I have been making steady progress on my personal mutiny upon my gluttonous ways.  Nothing earth shattering.  If you came over to visit me, you probably wouldn't even notice what has changed.  You probably wouldn't appreciate my children's closet overhaul unless you had seen the condition these closets were in before.  And you probably wouldn't peek in my drawers, so that marvelousness would be lost on you too.  It doesn't really matter.  I am having the time of my life right now.  No joke.  My hands have been busy.  My back has been sore.  And it feels good.  I am giving things away.  I am letting go of things.  It is very freeing.

And it is also a smack upside the head.  When I go through a closet, I feel ashamed.  Here, I have been hoarding things, taking way more than our fair share, when there are children right here in my own community who are homeless.  There are children whose parents do not have the money to dress their children in properly fitting clothing, and my seven year old owns enough clothes for probably six children.  Maybe ten.  And blankets... I have enough blankets to keep twenty families warm during the winter.

I just have mindlessly accumulated such excess.  And by my calculations, we are not rich by any means.  We have five children.  We live on an artist/ architect income...which in this economy means actually living on a draftman's salary, and that's it.  I am a full time college student and a starving writer.  So, I thought boo hoo, we have to say no to lots of things our friends get to say yes to.

And here's where the real change is happening.........

It's happening in my heart.  Who knew that creating more closet space would translate into having more heart space?  My heart feels bigger.  As in it is gaining more room to love.   More room for goodness.

Because who cares that we have to say no to dance lessons when other families have to say no to a meal?

Or who cares that we can't take the kids out to our favorite restaurant when other mothers have to say no to medication that would make a sore throat feel better.

Globally speaking, my family is in the tip top income bracket.  If you are reading this, then so is yours.  Got electricty?  A computer?  Enough food to eat today?  Then, you're like me, enjoying the luxuries of living in the tip top income bracket in the world.  I would not be able to look someone from a third world country in the eye and say something like, "Gosh, this economy sucks.  We've had to make so many sacrifices... I mean, like I have converted all our favorite name brands to generic, and we don't get to go out for pizza every Friday any more, and I wish my husband could get a new car, but he'll have to keep driving his old one for a while longer...Aren't times so tough?"

Try telling this sob story to someone who eats a bowl of rice a day and feels lucky about it.  Tell it to someone who has never had a bed, or a pillow, to a mother who has watched three of her babies die in her arms from a preventable illness.  Even locally speaking, try telling this sob story to a child from my daughter's class who has been in four foster homes in seven months.  If I couldn't tell my "sob story" to them, then I probably should shut up and stop telling it to anyone, including myself.

I am selfish.  And the anecdote to selfishness is gratitude.  So, I have started counting my blessings when I wake up in the morning.  I name them one by one like that children's song, "Count your blessings, name them one by one.  Count your blessings, see what God has done."  The alarm goes off, and I start scrolling through my blessings and think of ten before I get out of bed:

1. indoor plumbing (come on, we are all grateful for that first thing in the morning, aren't we?)
2. good health
3. a family to love
4. corrective eyewear so I can see where I am going
5. central heating and air
6. cozy beds
7. enough food to eat
8. clean water to drink
9. a roof over our heads
10.being married to a good kisser ('cause let's face it, sometimes it's hard to be married, and if he was a bad kisser, would it be worth it to endure through the tough times?  I think not.)

It starts the day off with a smile!  I am like, whoa!  I am way too blessed to be stressed.  If I complain about ANYTHING, please someone slap me.

Dear Heavenly Father, I am taking personal inventory of all the excess in my life, and I am ashamed I ever complained that there was not enough.  I am ashamed that I ever wanted more.  Because all I need is right here.  I thank Thee for the gift of the Holy Spirit who is my comforter and guide.  The sweet, soft promptings of this Spirit are leading me to keep taking the next right step.  I thank Thee for Thy patience with me as I am definitely a work in progress... who is extremely grateful beyond words.  In the name of the One who said if I knew the treasure in the field, I would give everything away to have it.  Amen.

Lead Us Not Into Temptation, but Deliver Us From Facebook

Here's the problem... give a gluttonous person (me) an inch, and she will take a mile. I decided to quit Facebook for a month.  But then, I had to write someone a message.  I executed the whole transaction in 5 seconds.  And then, another day, I realized I had lots of messages, and had been ignoring my peeps.  So, I decided that I would just limit myself to only responding to messages, only once a day, for only five minutes or less.  Well, then another day, I noticed birthday notifications and I just had to do a little posting on their walls, you know, to wish my friends a happy birthday.  And then Whooooooossssssshhhhhh!  I was sucked into the vortex of Facebook Land.

Just this morning, I did my five minute check and an hour later the phone rang and dragged me back into my real world.  I was stalking again.  Oh, man, the temptation to see a friend's new baby photos, and another friend's adorable vacation photos was overwhelming.  I could not resist.  But it's horrible how five minutes turns into one hour without my recollection of how it slipped away.

ONE HOUR!  Do you have any idea how much goodness I could execute in ONE HOUR?  But instead, I wasted an hour of my life looking at pictures of other people's lives.  Facebook: I love you and I hate you.

Well, speaking of time... I have some time available to execute some goodness before I have to head on to the dentist.  I am still working on my book shelves.  I have over a thousand children's books.  I am not exaggerating.  In fact, I may be underestimating.  I was a preschool teacher for a long time.  I collected good children's books like some women collect shoes.  Reading books to my children as they fall asleep is the absolute BEST part of motherhood, to me.  I had four copies of the Giving Tree!  My very special books, I am keeping on the shelves, and saving for future grandchildren.  Nicholas still likes story books, but my other four children have graduated on to chapter books and novels they read to themselves. I have given away 3 boxes already, but there's so much more.  I am ashamed.    

I think I can tackle three shelves before my dental appointment.  And possibly even another closet this afternoon.  Facebook... get thee behind me!

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to bear it."
1 Corinthians 10:13


Dear Heavenly Father, I am grateful to hear Thine promise that Thou will not give me any temptation I cannot bear in this life.  As a gluttonous person, I struggle with temptations all day long.  I am tempted by too much food, too much time on Facebook, too much of so many things. I give into my temptations and turn away from Thee.  Just for today, let my knees hit the floor when I want too much.  Because I know that what I am really craving.... is Thee.  In the name of the One who came to deliver me, Amen.

Do most people have one junk closet that everything gets squeezed into like the way I try to still wear my jeans so I don't have to go up another size?  I have a really scary closet in my house.  It is under the basement staircase.  It had things inside of it that I haven't touched in 10 years.  Way in the back of it, it had old copper wiring, carpet rolls, and extra wood scraps from when we built our house.  Closer to the door were bags of blankets, sheets, old toys, camping gear galore, suitcases, tennis rackets, and who knows what else.  Opening the closet is tricky, just like me sitting in my jeans takes some skill:  Do it the wrong way, the dam will break, and there will be spillage.

I am so joyful to report that I tackled the closet under the stairs on Sunday.  I took everything out.  Just doing that task took about two hours.  I might die from like a black lung within a week from inhaling so much dust, but I did it.  Have you ever seen that show where a professional organizer cleans out someone's house and puts everything into categories? They make a throw away pile, a give away pile, a yard sale pile, and a keep pile.  Well, that is exactly what I did.

Part of the process was easy, but part of it was difficult.  I sorted and sorted, and nearly broke my back.  I took all the camping gear... which is a lot of gear, lemme tell ya, 'cause I married me a mountain man... any way, I hauled all that stuff out to the shed...which I know is kinda like installing a trap door on a canoe. Now the shed is overflowing... but I am  working on it.

I have hauled off more loot to thrift stores.  I am now to the point where I am  venturing out to new thrift stores where they don't know me, so they won't wonder how one woman could possibly have THAT much stuff to give away.  It's shameful.

My bonus is that I have quite a good collection of things to have a decent yard sale this weekend. Plus, I have copper wiring to sell.  Cha-ching!  You know how I sold enough pimp style old gold bling bling last week to get my daughter's truck fixed?  Well, Adrian had a car accident two days later and we had to just fork over one arm and one leg to get it on the road again.  It's always something.  This summer has been majorly expensive with graduation, illness, dental procedures, dental emergencies, birthdays, car repairs on both cars, bla bla bla. It is bad.

This morning, you woulda thought there was something a little extra in my coffee beans because I cleaned out the boys' closet!  Actually, it was a two day project that I finished this morning.  I do have a life, ya know, and it is a very busy life with five children and things to do besides clean, which is like the main reason closets in this house end up so out of control in the first place.  But hey, five minutes here, ten minutes there, really adds up.

My point is this:  I am making progress!  And ya know what?  There really is more room for the holy spirit in my life. Going through the excess, taking real inventory of it, and then letting go of it, is good for the soul.  Just one closet, one drawer, or one shelf at a time.  Each time I step away from gluttony, brings me one step closer to glory!  Hallelujah!  

Solid Gold

It has been a week since I began my own personal mutiny on the excess in my life, and good golly I have accomplished a lot in a short amount of time.  Maybe I am not so hopeless after all.  If I can continue my attack on my gluttonous ways like this every week, I may actually be able to CHANGE.

Cue music: ...if ya wanna make this world a betta place, take a look at yo'self and make a CHANGE.  Sha-mon...  Whatever the heck that means.

I know my goal was to just clean out one drawer a day, but it was too boring.  I needed to see something BIG.  I am pleased to report, that after many hours of hard work, my 7 year old, Mollie, has a FLOOR in her closet.  And ya know how I said something like, "my poor kidz don't got much clothes, and what they have is just some hand me downs."  Well, the hand me downs part is true, but the "not much clothes" is a bald faced lie.  Well, it was more like a bald faced state of denial.  My children have more clothes than will fit in their closets.  They have clothes multiplying, making little baby clothes, that have sprung forth from their closets and drawers, and take up enough room to fill a football stadium.

So, one organized closet down, 10 bags to the Goodwill, and 2 bags of returned hand me downs to the proper lender of some might fine finery, GONE!  GOODBYE EXCESS.  I have given away one box of books, only about a hundred left to go on that.

I also cleaned out my jewelry box.  I had been hearin' all those creepy commercials about Old Gold Jewelry and wondered if it was a legit thing to do.  There is a new business down the high way that has some poor dude in cut off jean shorts, jumpin' up and down like a fool, by the side of the road, with a sign that says, "We buy Gold!"  I admired his enthusiasm, so, I took my old gold and silver there and had it appraised.  I wasn't going to sell it unless I could get fifty dollars for it.  Otherwise, it just didn't seem worth it, even though this jewelry was all crap.  Broken gold flat chains that were popular when I was in 7th grade.  Gold ID bracelets that I haven't worn since the late 80's when it was considered OK to look like a pimp.  I had gold chains, silver chains, clasp bracelets, I had silver and gold earrings that I haven't worn since 1992.  This stuff was nothin'.  I even had a tangled up add- a- bead necklace from 1983.  Sentimental?  Maybe. But I don't need to be attached to it.  Can't take it to heaven.

So, a really cute and sweet lady ran some tests on my stash.  She had to make sure it was real.  Then she weighed it, and calculated the fair market price since it can fluctuate from day to day, hour to hour.  I must have come at the right time because I nearly shit a gold bar when she told me the value.

Sorry, that was rude.  Let me just put it this way, I walked out of that store with enough dough for a new transmission, which is what I am going to do with this cold hard cash.  Jolie's truck needs some major work and now I've got the funds to fix it.  Hot diggity dog!  I think of it as a charitable cause.  My oldest is 18 years old.  She is a beautiful honor graduate from high school.  She is going places and needs a vehicle.  We've had this old truck sitting in our driveway for more years than I am comfortable admitting.

Y'all, go through your jewelry boxes and sell all those ugly gold nugget rings.  They ain't comin' back in style, I promise.

The food situation:  Screw it.  I went a week eating rice, biscuits, and then my delicious loaves of homemade white bread.  I ate soup and vegetables out of a can.  Remember, we had been to the beach the week before I started this nonsense (I mean, spiritual journey.)   We had left our refrigerator empty by our standards.  No yogurt, no milk, no greens.

Nicholas ate some squirt cheese from the pantry yesterday, I mean, what else was the boy to eat?  He vomited violently all over the sofa afterwards.  I have filled my intestines, and the intestines of my loved ones with enough glutton glue, to last us to the end of time.  I have decided to put this crap up for the end of the world, as was intended.  I figure if the Apocalypse happens, we will eat that awfulness then.  Until that day comes, let us enjoy the fresh fruits and vegetables of this glorious season!  Oh, and um, some whole wheat waffles and bagels.

Facebook update: I have peeked twice.  To check messages only.  I was on there for like 5 seconds each time.  I was scheduled to meet my friend yesterday, and had to tell her Nicholas was puking.  I didn't have her number.  Honestly.  On my honor.  Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.

I will say that existing without my daily strolls through status update land, has given me more time to do productive things.  I really don't miss it.

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank Thee for being patient with me as I mindlessly accumulated all this excess in my life.  I am feeling joy as I am letting go of things.  There is more space for the Holy Spirit already.  I give thanks in the name of the One who says I am worth more than gold.  Amen.

Baking Glue... I mean Bread

I've got bread rising on the table this morning.  I am a pioneer (wink wink).  I may be a failure in the kitchen, but I tell you what... this is turning on my husband.  When he walked in the door and discovered rising loaves covered by dish towels, you would have thought I had performed a strip tease in the kitchen.  He got a funny look in his eyes.

"Baby doll!  YOU are making bread?"

"Yep."

"Oh, my goodness!  What has come over you?  Come here my little Betty Crocker."  And then he dipped me and kissed me right there in the kitchen, making our children gag on their homemade biscuits.  (Betty Crocker?  really?  And all this time I was aiming to be Megan Fox.  Guess I'll curl my hair and wear an apron on our next date.)

My hand mixer overheated while I was mixing the dough because it got all stuck inside the little mixing thingies.  My daughter, Sydney, was helping me and she casually mentioned it was smoking.  I was like, you got that right.  We ARE smokin'.  But it really was, as in: it was about to short out and catch on fire.

Trying to get the dough out of the thingies was no simple task.  The dough stuck to my hands.  It was one gooey mess.  I finally wrestled the dough off my hands... and arms... and face... and plopped it into the loaf pans.  And then, I cleaned up.  Oh, my gosh, that stuff doesn't go down the sink very easily.  In fact, when it mixes with water, it really turns into GLUE.  Holy cow, I am going to be feeding my children intestinal glue.

We gotta make whole wheat bread.  That's normally what we eat.  High fiber, whole wheat bread.  Man, we've been eating biscuits, white rice, and now white bread.  Oops. Guess we will be saving on the good ole Angel Soft.

On a different note: Hi, my name is Abigail, and I have not been on Facebook for 24 hours. I have this fear that someone (my teenagers?) has been posting embarrassing photos of me and tagging me in them.  There might be incriminating evidence all over Facebook and I have no way of knowing in time to delete them. C'est la vie.  I was productive yesterday.  No Facebook feels like freedom so far.  I may never go back.  I got a lot of cleaning done yesterday.  I am now tackling the book shelves. I have a big box of good reads to give away.  I've got a long way to go, though.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

Dear Heavenly Father, I thank Thee for our daily bread.  Amen.