OK, so I am finally reading 7 by Jen Hatmaker. My sister has been raving about this book for months. I've heard many interesting tales of my sister experimenting with 7 foods, and 7 articles of clothing, and purging excess from her life. My ears would perk up when she would share things with me over the phone about this book and how the lessons have enlightened her life. So, while at the beach this week, she gave me the book for my birthday! Yippee for me!
I am of course on fire after reading half the book so far. This is typical me style. I have so many great books on my shelves about all kinds of great things which leads me to having all these great intentions. But it's really hard to make lasting changes. I know I need to change some things in my life, but it's like I have some sort of mind block. I usually last two weeks before I give up on any great idea.
But this book is messing with my heart, which is different from the great books that mess with my head. I feel something tugging on the deepest part of me as I read this hilariously wise woman's thoughts and ideas. I am truly beginning to see all the excess in my life with fresh eyes. It is heart breaking, let me tell you.
I totally have a dual personality when it comes to my attitude. Sometimes I fully realize the struggle my family of seven faces. With my husband's business failing and going down the toilet a few years ago, things have really changed financially for my family. I get upset and tell myself, "This totally sucks." Other times, I can kick myself in the butt and say, "We are too blessed to be stressed." Both statements are true.
It doesn't really matter if we've been rich or poor, because no matter what the condition of our bank accounts has been, we have over- indulged ourselves. And I would have never admitted that before, because everything feels like a sacrifice when you are raising five children. I don't get my nails done. I don't buy new clothes. I get my hair professionally cut only once a year. My children don't have a lot of clothes. Most of their clothes are hand me downs. I have like four articles of clothing in my closet. Most of my children only own two pairs of shoes at any given time. I borrow my books from the library. We play games and create our own entertainment. My husband drives a hand me down car that has over 200,000 miles on it.
When my husband and I first got married, we pledged to be debt free and lived on just half our income for a long period of time, saving the other half. We didn't have cable TV. We spent fifty dollars a week in groceries and had plenty during those years. In doing so, we were able to save enough money to build our very own house paying cash for everything. Which is a good thing because not having a mortgage has been a huge blessing during the lean years. And on top of that, those were the best years of our lives. It really was when we were the happiest.
We lived in a small apartment, hardly had any worldly possessions, and we were totally happy. We are talking: a mattress on the floor and a baby crib in the corner kind of happy. And oddly enough, it was during those years that we had the most to give away. It was during these years that we paid a full tithing to our church, and supported our favorite non- pofit organizations with small monthly donations.
Our entire wedding cost $500.00 and that included my dress, the flowers, and everything. In fact, in lieu of wedding gifts, we asked for our guests to donate to the charity closest to their heart, or to give to Challenged Child and Friends, a preschool for special needs children where I worked. We weren't trying to save the world or anything, it is just that our mind set back then was, "Gosh, we have EVERYTHING we need. Why would we want fancy china or a new mixer?" 'Cause we were high on love, I tell ya. We were not rich by American standards, but did you know that if you make $35,000 a year, you are in the TOP 4 % income bracket of the world? I. Did. Not. Know. That. And now may I please never consider myself financially struggling.
But don't think I am patting myself on the back. Because I am not. Because though we were successful in the past, something bad happened along the way and I don't know what it is yet. For the past several years, we have been throwing food away. We buy crap. We whine about money. We are not very resourceful. I have overdrawn my account six times this year so far. I am not the self reliant person I once was. I always seem to be needing help. Every drawer in my house is overflowing to the point things spill behind the drawer and get stuck. Every closet has lost its floor. I don't know when the last time I saw the bottom of a closet was. Maybe in 2003? My attic is a land mine. I have bank statements in my office from the year my first child was born. She'll be 18 next month. I have so much STUFF!!!! I have a pantry with plenty of food, yet there is never anything to eat. Because instead of eating the beans and rice on the top shelf, we will buy whatever we were craving. There are food items on my shelf that have 27 ingredients in them because they are not really food, yet, I will eat it any way. And more. And more. And on top of that, I am overweight enough to make myself cry when I see the beach pictures my husband took of me. You bet your bottom dollar that my bottom dollar was cropped out of each and every one. And there are many incomplete projects that need to be done around the house, and I don't have the energy to finish any of them.
I am a GLUTTON. I am lustful. I crave things, even though I think I don't, which is the worst kind of person. It's called denial. I am surrounded by excess. I have too much, and it's never enough. My kids have too many toys. When something breaks, we replace it instead of fixing it. We buy cheap crap made in China and it multiplies, and our toys boxes are way too full of things our children never play with until they see it sticking out of a garbage can after one of my sporadic, random, (OK, PMS) cleaning rampages where I get out the big black garbage bags and attempt a full out attack of the hoard that I never call a hoard of STUFF that we don't need, and then feel bad and will take the kids to the Super Store so they can replace whatever I threw away with new stuff I will throw away at a later date.
I want to be happy. The kind of happy I used to be when I had less. I read that when you get rid of the excess material stuff, there is more room for the Holy Spirit. I hope so. I could really use more Holy Spirit in my life. I know the Spirit was abundant in my life in the good old days when we were so dumb that my husband asked me to marry him after we'd only known each other for six weeks. And I know it was there when we walked down the aisle just six weeks later. And I know it was there when we were making a big ole family, having lots and lots of dreams. Where did it go?
I am grateful that this book is inspiring me and lighting me on fire. Thank you, Jen Hatmaker in Austin Texas for writing this awesome, moving book. I am adjusting the philosophy of 7 to meet my own unique needs at this time, but owe the general ideas to her.
Dear Heavenly Father, I am so grateful for all my blessings, but I have lost my way, and forgotten what a blessing really is in my life. I have it all mixed up with things that aren't really blessings. Please help me as I begin this journey of rescuing my life from the excess. Please help me fight this battle against my gluttonous ways. Help me guide my family to a more spiritual life. And please help my kids with the quick- trigger gag reflex, be able to swallow things like eggs, beans, and spinach, and let them forget all about my argument that Lucky Charms are packed full of vitamins that are good for you. In the name of the One to whom I am surrendering, Amen.
Challenge for the First 30 days: Eat what we already have until it is gone before we buy more food. My pantry is full. My freezer is full. My refrigerator is full. We have plenty of food. With my old eyes, I would not recognize this. But with my new eyes, I can see that there is no reason for us to make a trip to the grocery store tomorrow, or the next day, or the next, or the next, unless running out of fruit juice is a crime on humanity, and it is illegal to eat rice and steamed frozen vegetables for lunch. When this food is gone, I will be embarking on a new challenge of buying only whole, simple, real food that we truly need, no excess.
Clean out one drawer every day. Throw away what needs to be tossed. Give away what someone else can use. Keep only what is truly needed. Lord help me. Seriously.
Seriously, I've asked myself how we managed in a 1300 square foot house with 5 kids and Daddy living with us for a time. Now in our 4600+ house I barely have enough room for all my "stuff." There's all my dishes and serving ware, appliances (do I really need two hand mixers in addition to my Kitchenaid?) placemats, napkins - and that's just the kitchen stuff. I will say that anytime I see that Hoarders show on TV I clean out a closet!
ReplyDeleteMelissa, thank you for your comment. I know what you mean. I always thought building our house would open the door to extreme happiness. Now, I dream of building additions which would include lots more closet space. For what? All the stuff. I am beginning to see the reality of all those sweet biblical lessons about the meek and the poor, which I always think sound good, but never think they would actually apply to me.
DeleteI read them and think of really poor people and how God must love them, but I have never thought about reading and pondering those scriptures in a way that I can take the wisdom into my own heart and mind. I am storing up treasures on this earth that are not even treasures. What in the world am I storing up in heaven? Not much these days.
Your brother and I had a knock in the head revelation in the car on the way back from the beach. The lessons he learned from growing up without many material luxuries was a HUGE blessing. I always had what I wanted and it is hindering me. He used to be envious of my childhood. We have been trying to create a childhood more like mine for our children, yet we are failing. He goes all out on Christmas and I ask, why? And he says, because as a child, I only had one toy. He thought more toys meant more happiness. But it doesn't. Our children do not take care of their things. Who would when they know if it breaks there is more?
In high school, when he lived with your parents in a small mobile camper in a very affluent beach town, he felt somewhat ashamed. Yet, looking back, he had more than most teenagers his age. He had a family who loved him. He had a spiritual upbringing that was centered on what is important. He had been given a moral compass with which to navigate his entire life. He took care of what he had and learned how to work hard to meet his basic needs.
Oh, how far I have strayed...